On Weirdness and Fern’s Conspiracy Theory
Fern: Maybe because two months ago I started taking an anti-depressant (Escitalopram, 5MG. Also known as Lexapro). Maybe because there’s renewed hope for the country. All I know is that I’ve been feeling a lot better. Our friends are feeling better as well. A low-level depression has lifted.
Joe: Of course you were depressed. Depression feels like reality but it isn’t; it’s a loss of perspective, a distortion. There is healing when distortion is removed and reality is restored.
After years of America being gas-lit by Trump and his cronies, it’s a relief to hear the truth. To finally have weird called weird is like an antidote to poison.
That explains the energetic roar of the DNC crowd. The speakers were telling us something, and a guy from America’s Midwest was affirming it: The clash of cultures in the last eight years has been depressing. And frightening. But it’s also been weird.
Fern: It was weird from the very beginning, the escalator ride going down with the weirdly beautiful wife who loathed him. His weird, hulking presence in debate (a circus bear on his back legs) looming behind Hillary Clinton. The weird gibberish he speaks. The vituperation and adolescent jokes. The repetitive inanity. The avalanche of lies, enough to make normal people doubt reality.
Joe: Lies make you stop and think. Did I really hear what I just heard? Bleach can cure Covid? But no, it doesn’t. Trump never met Stormy Daniels? But yes, he did. He never sexually assaulted E. Jean Carroll? But yes, he did. He won the election of 2020? But no, he did not.
This is why people stop playing whack-a-mole—it’s exhausting. It wears you down to a squeaking nub.
Weird--what a perfect capturing, in a word, of that man’s approach to everything, from tariffs that tax the middle class to golden toilets. The word literally means “not of this world.” Odd, bizarre, eerie, creepy.
Fern: It is weird to think that things like free lunch for school children, fire-fighters arriving when your house is burning down, support of public schools and a health system that does not bankrupt anyone are communist plots. That this is socialism run amok rather than the qualities of a normal, civilized society.
Joe: One good thing is that now more people will learn to spell the word correctly: W-E-I-R-D.
Fern: Because the general rule is “I before E except after C. And except when we say as in neighbor or weigh. Although some words are just plain W-E-I-R-D.”
Joe: Fun to be married to an English teacher, isn’t it?
Fern: If Kamala Harris went to the VP store, she couldn’t have made a better pick than Tim Walz. A teacher? A football coach? He should campaign with a whistle around his neck and call time-out when the opposition steps over the line.
What I loved about this convention is that the Democrats have taken back patriotism. We’ve taken back the flag and the national anthem. Taken back the passion and pride of what it means to be an American.
Joe: Your Yiddish-speaking grandparents, my Arabic speaking parents would agree. Our families were grateful to this this country, the one they risked their lives to come to. They loved America.
Fern: Ok. So do you want to hear my conspiracy theory? The one I’ve been thinking about since Biden dropped out?
Joe: And talking about. Yes, I’ve heard this before. I don’t know how you came up with it, but I have heard you repeat this with some regularity.
Fern: That’s what happens when you’re married. You listen to stories repeated time and time again and pretend you’re still interested.
Joe: Ok. I’ll pretend to be interested.
Fern: Well, I think it was last month that Trump posted on his social media platform a bizarre theory: That President Joe Biden would suddenly try to take back the 2024 Democratic presidential nomination.
Trump wrote: “What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin’ Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!!”
Joe: Yes. He was running weirder than usual with that one.
Fern: But my conspiracy theory doesn’t seem weird at all. At least to me.
This is it: The Dems actually planned for Biden to pass the torch – and he was in on it.
Yes. Joe Biden faked it – or at least exaggerated it -- appearing more diminished than he actually was. He was waiting. Waiting until the timing was perfect.
Waiting until the Republicans had their convention and Trump ranted on and on with the same old jibber-jabber, boring everyone to tears, going on and on until the room emptied out.
Joe Biden and the democrats he confided in were actually waiting until Trump had picked a candidate for VP. Vance found Trump distasteful but was still able to suck-up and, as a fresh face, go beyond what a Nikki Haley or Mario Rubio could deliver.
Then the final dominos began to drop.
Click, click, click. By mid-July Dems began to ask Joe Biden to step down. Early on, these were congress members you never heard of. No big splash. Then by mid-July: Adam Schiff, Sherrod Brown, Joe Manchin, Jamie Raskin. Then George Clooney! Then the big knife: Nancy Pelosi!
But the thing was. I mean, it could be. That Joe Biden, a politician for almost all of his natural life – was in on it! Jill, too. And maybe even the dog!
Joe Biden – Truly a patriot who loves his country more than he loved power planned to stop down and pass the torch to someone, a woman, who could really slay the dragon.
I mean, it’s not the craziest conspiracy theory we’ve ever heard?
Joe: No sweetie, it’s not. And a friend told me that they didn’t see a single Maga hat last week at the Iowa State Fair. Think that’s a sign?
Speaking of signs: What are they going to do with all that Let’s Go, Brandon merch they invested in?
Okay. This is off topic but I’m really enjoying reading Kitchen Arabic Joe. I keep picturing your five-year-old self with the face you have now.
And let’s go and win this election!
Thanks for the great conversation. I enjoyed the joy of the convention.
I am on Team Fern when it comes to her conspiracy theory. I thought the very same thing. The timing was impeccable. The Biden/Harris team played that “orangeatan” and it was so much fun to watch!