Thank you for sharing your story! I understand anger after a divorce. I was a minister's wife--later, I joked about having 'divorce insurance,' because who expects a minister's wife to get divorced? We went to counseling and he asked them to check to see how much welfare I could get if he left. However, I was in denial he would actually do it. After all, we had two small children--4 and 2. The counselors told me to go back to college, where I prepared to be a high school teacher. My husband confessed doing some truly awful things. He cried a lot and became suicidal. I couldn't imagine life without him and tried to get pregnant. Then I miscarried and grieved. He moved out when I went to a wonderful weekend conference with several women from church, leaving our children with my mother and sister. I survived but anger fueled me as a single mom on welfare. I got a master's degree from Iowa State and worked as a substitute teacher and adjunct at several colleges before getting hired full time at Hawkeye Community College. Almost 40 years later, I can look back and remember that anger--at a teacher telling me my daughter should be in gifted and talented, but coming from a broken home, she wasn't sure. I'm angry just remembering! But I, too, survived, as did my children. I was single for 15 years, and finally married in 2000. My second husband, Mike, was a farmer/bachelor turned librarian/IT guy. We've had almost 24 years of marriage and he's become a wonderful step dad to our children and grandpa to our grandchildren. My 28 year old self could not have imagined my life today, including becoming a novelist at age 68. We're more resilient than we think, and maybe that anger fueled that determination to survive!
And real life with two parents with biological children was probably pretty rare, considering how early people used to die. And there was a short period after WW2 when people rarely divorced.
I think Vance's comments are belittling and mean. But they hurt because ideally, children thrive more easily when they have two or three parents.
Thank you for sharing your story! I understand anger after a divorce. I was a minister's wife--later, I joked about having 'divorce insurance,' because who expects a minister's wife to get divorced? We went to counseling and he asked them to check to see how much welfare I could get if he left. However, I was in denial he would actually do it. After all, we had two small children--4 and 2. The counselors told me to go back to college, where I prepared to be a high school teacher. My husband confessed doing some truly awful things. He cried a lot and became suicidal. I couldn't imagine life without him and tried to get pregnant. Then I miscarried and grieved. He moved out when I went to a wonderful weekend conference with several women from church, leaving our children with my mother and sister. I survived but anger fueled me as a single mom on welfare. I got a master's degree from Iowa State and worked as a substitute teacher and adjunct at several colleges before getting hired full time at Hawkeye Community College. Almost 40 years later, I can look back and remember that anger--at a teacher telling me my daughter should be in gifted and talented, but coming from a broken home, she wasn't sure. I'm angry just remembering! But I, too, survived, as did my children. I was single for 15 years, and finally married in 2000. My second husband, Mike, was a farmer/bachelor turned librarian/IT guy. We've had almost 24 years of marriage and he's become a wonderful step dad to our children and grandpa to our grandchildren. My 28 year old self could not have imagined my life today, including becoming a novelist at age 68. We're more resilient than we think, and maybe that anger fueled that determination to survive!
I love this Fern. Thanks so much!!!
And real life with two parents with biological children was probably pretty rare, considering how early people used to die. And there was a short period after WW2 when people rarely divorced.
I think Vance's comments are belittling and mean. But they hurt because ideally, children thrive more easily when they have two or three parents.
Fern, I was nodding my head and smiling and then giggling as I read your mini-memoir. I recognize your emotions.
So true.